


of broken hearts and empty souls

by dwarf_planet



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Dysphoria, Even if no one else does, F/M, Gender Dysphoria, Harley calls Peter "Sunshine", Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kind of a vent fic, M/M, Misgendering, Multi, Pet Names, Polyamory, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Themes, Suicide, Swearing, Trans Peter Parker, also stay tuned, but it's only until after peter comes out to them, but mostly i just needed to make the peter/harley/mj tag, but yeah, i'll definitely be writing more fics with this ship, kinda ?, mentions of bullying, so not really, so tread lightly, this one hurts ngl, this one's heavy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:26:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26022637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dwarf_planet/pseuds/dwarf_planet
Summary: He pulls up his sleeve, pen uncapped and ready to write, and stops instantly. There’s so many more words than before, and he might be young but he’s not dumb. He knows his soulmate isn’t just taking up space making conversation to themself. He knows this means he has more than one. He’s okay with that.It’s not conventional, but he didn’t pick his soulmates, so it’s not his fault. People can’t get mad at him for that. He pauses, not wanting to butt in, then presses the pen down anyways. They’re his soulmates. They’re bound to have a good dynamic. His own ink scrawls under their’s, forming a simple "Hi".ORi wanted to make a harley/mj/peter fic and i was feeling angsty but also love soulmate AUs so this happened
Relationships: Harley Keener/Michelle Jones, Harley Keener/Peter Parker, May Parker (Spider-Man) & Peter Parker (mentioned), Michelle Jones/Harley Keener/Peter Parker, Michelle Jones/Peter Parker, Ned Leeds & Peter Parker (mentioned), Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 30
Kudos: 192





	of broken hearts and empty souls

**Author's Note:**

> i've pioneered a ship tag  
> are you proud of me
> 
> thank you to my lovely beta rainy !! 
> 
> ALSO  
> there are warnings despite the "Creator Chose Not To Include Archive Warnings", so beware  
> i just don't wanna spoil anything <3  
> however the warnings are in the end notes so feel free to skip ahead and look
> 
> okay thank you and enjoy !

Harley loves his soulmates. He’s never met either of them in person, but the inkless pens lying in the bottom of his waste bin and the numerous daily texts from both of them are testament to how much they talk. He thinks maybe he knows them better than anyone, and maybe they know him more, too.

They start talking earlier than most soulmates, with MJ (because apparently initials are fine, but not names) claiming in what’s got to be the prettiest handwriting Harley’s ever seen: _Hi. You’re my soulmate, so you better not be lame. Maybe I’m young to reach out, but it’s_ _our_ _soulbond, so who cares_?

Harley doesn’t have a pen on him, but he promises himself he’ll respond as soon as he gets one. All throughout the rest of recess, his arm tingles under his t-shirt, but he barely notices it. He’s too concerned with the mulch digging into his skin and the pebbles bouncing against his cheeks. He doesn’t think about his soulmate either, because his rock-throwing friends take precedent. Once recess is over though, he dashes for his desk and grabs the first pen he finds.

He pulls up his sleeve, pen uncapped and ready to write, and stops instantly. There’s so many more words than before, and he might be young but he’s not dumb. He _knows_ his soulmate isn’t just taking up space making conversation to themself. He knows this means he has more than one. He’s okay with that. 

It’s not conventional, but he didn’t pick his soulmates, so it’s not his fault. People can’t get mad at him for that. He pauses, not wanting to butt in, then presses the pen down anyways. They’re his soulmates. They’re bound to have a good dynamic. His own ink scrawls under their’s, forming a simple _Hi_.

Harley introduces himself with his initials, the same way MJ does. His other soulmate refuses to use her initials, claims she hates them, but that’s okay. She seems so grumpy that Harley can’t help his teasing response, _O.K., sunshine_.

The nickname sticks, and that’s what they call her now.

In middle school, cuts blossom across Harley’s thighs. They're regular and too common to be accidents. Harley is left very concerned and befuddled by them. MJ seems equally confused by their existence. Sunshine apologizes, and the cuts stop. That worries Harley more, because who knows what kind of tactics she’s using now instead?

They’re in high school before they exchange phone numbers. It takes forever, and it’s kind of a nuisance because they can’t write numbers (well, they can, but their soulmates won’t see the numbers. Only the author will), but they manage. They spell it out, pin after pin, and eventually they’re texting.

Harley introduces himself properly over text, and MJ lets on that her name is Michelle, but Sunshine refuses. 

Eventually _he_ reveals that he’s trans, and his chosen name is Peter. Harley still mostly calls him Sunshine, but MJ calls him Peter much more often than any pet names.

It’s sophomore year and there’s a noticeable difference in Sunshine. They hardly write anymore since texting is just easier, but when they do, Sunshine’s is sloppier and the words are near impossible to read. In addition, his texts come less than they used to and they’re much shorter than they once were. He once confessed he hated when people used “k” because it made him feel like they didn’t want to talk to him and couldn’t be bothered to put in effort for him. Now he uses it regularly.

By junior year, they never write on skin unless they don’t have their phones and need to get a message across as soon as possible.

Harley’s not a heavy sleeper, so it’s not a surprise when he wakes up in the middle of the night. What is surprising, is _what_ wakes him up.

There’s the signature tingling that has become unfamiliar with time, signaling that one of his soulmates is writing something. He glances to the clock. 4:16. _What the fuck_? He thinks angrily, pulling down his covers to look at his arm, snapping on the lamp with more aggression than is necessary. This better be important.

_I love you, both of you. But I’m not sorry._

Sunshine’s handwriting is sprawled over his skin in what’s quite possibly the most concerning lines he’s ever read. He jumps out of his bed, scrambling to find a marker, but only finding pencils.

He huffs anxiously, grabbing his phone from his bedside and pressing the call button on their soulmate group chat. Sunshine doesn’t pick up. MJ does, after a moment, and she sounds tired and pissed, “What.”

Harley doesn’t have time to appreciate how much softer his rough-edged soulmate’s voice sounds when she’s just woken up. “Look at your arm,” He pleads, and the desperation must bleed through his voice because she does without a question.

“Oh, fuck. Oh fuck, shit, fuck, hell _no_ , fuck fuck fuck-“ A stream of curses pour from her mouth and he can vaguely hear fabric shifting.

“Wh-what are you doing? Where are you going?” Harley’s voice shakes. He’s so _scared_. He doesn’t want to lose a soulmate.

“To save Peter,” she says so firmly that Harley almost believes she can.

“Okay,” He speaks slowly. “But how? We don’t know where he lives.”

“No,” She agrees. “But Tony Stark might.” She throws out the name of Peter’s mentor as easily as though he weren’t a world-famous superhero-slash-billionaire. Harley has no clue how she plans to get his attention, much less in time.

But he believes in MJ. He _believes_ in her. If anyone can do it, it’s his soulmate.

MJ’s combat boots thud against the hardwood floor of her hallway and she’s never been so thankful her parents aren’t home, or else they’d be up and yelling at her. She does _not_ have time for that currently.

She unlocks the door as quickly as possible, slamming it behind her without bothering to lock it, and races over to her car. She drives as fast as she can. She just hopes she can make it to Tony’s tower in time.

It’s too long before she reaches it, but Harley is still breathing on the other side of the line. His breaths are so uneven and heavy that there’s no way he can’t be as nervous as she is. She can’t stop to comfort him though. There’ll be plenty of time for that _after Peter is safe_.

She parks the car and almost trips over herself in her haste to get out of it. She takes off in a sprint, pausing once she reaches the front of the tower. She can’t exactly knock on the door, so how can she get Tony’s attention? 

She looks around and grabs a rock. Hopefully he’ll forgive her. The situation is dire, after all. She grips it tightly, tossig it lightly, weighing it. Then, she reaches back and, using as much muscle as she can muster, chucks it at the window, and waits.

Sure enough, the billionaire himself appears at the doorway in full Iron Man gear (that’s a bit extra, she thinks, but if Peter’s stories are anything to go off, that’s nothing unusual). He turns to her, faceplate lifted, and scowls, “Why are you throwing rocks at my window at four in the morning?”

She scowls right back, feet planted, and arms crossed, “You work with Peter, don’t you? Spider-Man?”

Tony’s eyes widen slightly, then narrow, “How do you know that?”

“I’m his soulmate. He’s never outright said he was Spider-Man, but he’s not the best at hiding things. But that’s not important,” Her eyes narrow back, an intense flame sparking in her features. “ _He_ is. And he’s in trouble.”

Those seem to be the magic words. Tony’s impressive, harsh features dissolve into worry and he shifts, readying himself to fly, “You’re coming with me, and you’re going to explain what’s going on.”

“Okay,” She breathes, stepping towards him. He hugs her with one arm and they take off.

Harley’s voice interrupts the tense silence moments late, “MJ- MJ, look at your wrists. Oh god, MJ.”

“Who’s that?” Tony demands.

“Our other soulmate. His name is Harley.” She explains, shifting slightly to examine her wrists like Harley told her. She pulls up the sleeves of her jean jacket, and her eyes widen in horor. Twin gashes sit on each vein and her breath catches, eyes widening in horror. “Tony,” She breathes, voice shaky, “ _hurry_.”

She can tell the moment he sees the new marks on her wrist. He goes slack, almost dropping her, then immediately speeds up.

MJ just hopes they’ll get there fast enough.

Peter lays stretched-out on the floor of his bathroom, blood flowing steadily from his wrists. He knows that this is selfish, that he shouldn’t do this, but he can’t do this anymore.Thoughts of Skip haunt him every waking day, and he just wants to forget. His real friends are toxic, all except Ned, but Ned always seems too busy for him these days. He doesn’t want to keep getting hurt by them. He’s never really moved on from the fact that he killed Uncle Ben, no matter what he says. He’s sick of being dysphoric all the time. There’s constant reminders that he’s a girl and, biologically, will always be a female. He doesn’t know how to live with that. He’s tried to. He just _can’t_.

He hates the thought of leaving Aunt May, and Mr. Stark, and Ned, and his soulmates, his Harley and his MJ behind, but he can’t _take this existence anymore_.

Now he won’t have to. He’s slit his wrists and the blood is flowing and he knows he cut his veins because he’s smart (that’s maybe the only good thing he has going for himself) so he knows he’ll be gone soon. He’s said his goodbyes to the people who matter (something on his skin for his soulmates and a note for those he knows in real life) and he’s accepted that this is real. This is it, this is the end. He’s alright with that. He’s accepted it. He accepted it before he cut his wrists. He’ll be gone soon.

He’ll be gone soon, and he’s okay with that. He’s ready, he’s accepted it. He _craves_ it. He wants the fuzz that’s overtaking his thoughts, the stinging on his wrists, the tired weakness overcoming his bones, the cold darkness that’s creeping in from the edges.

Now, he knows, he’ll have it.

The only people who could stop him don’t know where he lives. The others that could convince him are asleep, or clueless, or both. He can’t wait to be dead. Aunt May will be able to rest, no longer forced to take care of and deal with him, Ned has other friends, Mr. Stark has other interns and heroes that are much better than him, and his soulmates have each other. They’ll all be fine.

But… He can hear footsteps thudding and frantic voices screaming something. It sounds familiar, but everything feels fuzzy and he can’t process anything. What's going on? Who’s here? Why are they here? Are they trying to save him? Why would they do that?

Harley’s been moved to FaceTime. He doesn’t really think MJ did it on purpose, since the camera isn’t even on her face, instead it’s pointing at the hallway she’s racing down, trying to find Sunshine, Peter, their soulmate, before it’s too late. The camera is shaky but he’s watching as best he can. He watches their surroundings change, and it takes his overwhelmed brain a moment to catch up with the fact that they’ve turned into a different room. The camera angle changes and Harley sees him. 

“Sunshine,” He gasps, unable to stop himself. The sight of his soulmate’s limp body laying in a pool of his own blood hits him like a punch to the gut.

“Jarvis,” He hears Tony saying frantically as MJ sets her phone down on a counter, “call 911.”

MJ’s phone is on the counter but the camera is hanging off and Harley can still see his Sunshine’s face. “Sunshine, Sunshine, please, not like this,” Harley pleads urgently, hoping Peter can hear him.

“H’rley?” Peter mumbles tiredly, opening his eyes slightly, trying to find the source of the voice.

“Ye-”

“Kid, kid, I’m here,” Tony’s voice overwhelms Harley’s response, and Peter’s eyes shift lazily to Tony.

“Peter, please stay with me,” MJ’s voice joins the fray and a small frown forms on Peter’s face. 

Sunshine blinks sleepily, shaking his head slightly. “‘M cold.”

“Sunshine, Sunshine, no, I’m here, you gotta stay alive so you can meet me. Sunshine, _please_ , not like this.”

“I’s… I’s dark,” He mumbles quietly, voice slurring slightly. He blinks slowly a few more times then his eyes close. 

“Sunshine? Sunshine!” Harley begs, listening for the sirens he can hear faintly in the background. Peter just needs to hang on a little longer, _please_.

But Peter’s eyes aren’t opening.

MJ sobs, and Harley knows she can feel the same firm, unbudging cold washing over her that he can. They both know what that means. Tears run freely down Harley’s face and he can hear MJ’s muffled cries. Tony’s voice sounds watery as he begs, “ _Kid_.” But Harley thinks he knows the truth already, too. It’s too late.

Sunshine is dead.

MJ and Harley meet in person for the first time at their soulmate’s funeral. They find each other instantly, collapsing into a hug and sobbing. It feels so _good_ for each to be able to hug their soulmate. But it’s so _wrong_ , too. Something’s missing. They can both feel it.

Their hug is so close to perfect, but there’s just something missing. And they’re never going to get that something back. They have each other, and they’re so grateful for that, but there’ll always be an empty space. They’ll always wonder what it would’ve been like for the three of them. They’ll always wonder what it would’ve been like if they had Peter. They’ll never know.

When the nights are cold and their two bodies aren't warm enough to stave off the ache, MJ will miss her Peter more than she’s ever longed for anything and Harley will want his Sunshine more than he’s ever yearned for anything.

They’ll never get him.

 _He’s gone_.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> sorry not sorry :/
> 
> please comment and leave kudos please i'm begging you
> 
> warning: major character death and the things in the tags (brief mentions of rape, suicide, self-harm, bullying, etc)  
> stay safe !


End file.
